Here are some ways to make sure conflict doesn’t happen when dress shopping:

Mothers Day is fast approaching us (3^rd April) so I thought it’s the ideal time to talk ‘Mother of the Bride’, brides print out my advice or position your Mum in front of the computer!

When your daughter announces she is getting married, emotion and excitement can set in, your little girl is asking for your advice on her wedding. Together you embark on a shopping trip to choose that all important dress, you delight at how your beautiful daughter is transformed into a stunning bride. You sigh with relief knowing the dress has been chosen but then everyone asks about the organization, wanting to know every little detail. You want to help your daughter but at the same time you want her to enjoy the planning, where is the line between assisting your daughter and taking over? Many of my brides are planning the wedding with their Mum which is lovely and over the planning process I become close to both of them. But is there tension? Well yes of course, but isn’t that the relationship of Mother – Daughter? My job as the planner is not to take over; my job is to work with you to create the wedding your daughter wants. I especially find my ‘marquee Mums’ are thankful to have me on board to relieve the pressure from them.

Every bride is different, your daughter may want you to literally organise EVERYTHING (particularly brides working long hours or living away from wedding area), But some will want to organize everything themselves but for most brides there is a middle ground!

Lisa & Kate

Surely planning a wedding can’t be that difficult? In the beginning when you help choose a venue for your daughter it probably all seems like a breeze. You help with decisions on which supplier to book but try desperately not to ‘interfere’, being involved but also talking a step back can be hard.  ‘At times I felt I was not in control, not always knowing what was happening as I wasn’t making the decisions. But, at the same time I didn’t want more to do, very strange feeling‘ explains Janet

To start with why not buy her a beautiful wedding planner folder to keep all clippings, swatches and receipts in? If you are computer literate start a spreadsheet to keep track of the budget both approx. and actual, guest list, supplier payments and contacts of all suppliers. By just taking over the payments or reminders of payments will help immensely.

Then go through the timeline with your daughter and assign tasks, what can you do on her behalf? Perhaps you can manage the invitations, RSVP’s and seeing to all guest needs like transport and accommodation? Every month just catch up with who she has booked, talk about the design. Be there to help take over any tasks that are worrying her.

Remember, times have changed, gone are the days of holding the reception in a local hotel and being happy with Bucks Fizz, roast dinner, disco and finger buffet in evening! Mention this to your daughter and she might display a look of horror on her face. Today it’s all about blogs, escort cards, cocktails and bowl food.

Finally I want to remind you to include your future son in law in any planning, sound obvious? Have a read on staggered to see their view….

Photo Credit Kerry Morgan & Harvey Collard

If you are a Mother of the Bride and think you need help planning your daughters wedding give me a call on 01376 561 544 to discuss how I can help.

When your daughter announces she is getting married, emotion and excitement can set in, your little girl is asking for your advice on her wedding. Together you embark on a shopping trip to choose that all important dress, you delight at how your beautiful daughter is transformed into a stunning bride. You sigh with relief knowing the dress has been chosen but then everyone asks about the organization, wanting to know every little detail. You want to help your daughter but at the same time you want her to enjoy the planning, where is the line between assisting your daughter and taking over?

ORGANISATION

Every bride is different, some want their Mothers to literally organise the whole event, perhaps their careers mean they have little time or they no longer live in the area where they intend to marry. They may want you to have little or no input and perhaps she wants you to organise with her?

M&S Wedding Planner Folder

Surely planning a wedding can’t be that difficult? In the beginning when you help choose a venue for your daughter it probably all seems like a breeze. You help with decisions on which supplier to book but try desperately not to ‘interfere’, being involved but also talking a step back can be hard.  ‘At times I felt I was not in control, not always knowing what was happening as I wasn’t making the decisions. But, at the same time I didn’t want more to do, very strange feeling‘ explains Janet

To start with why not buy her a beautiful wedding planner folder to keep all clippings, swatches and receipts in? M&S have some stunning versions. If you are computer literate start a spreadsheet to keep track of the budget both approx. and actual, guest list, supplier payments and contacts of all supplier. By just taking over the payments or reminders of payments will help immensely.

Then go through the timeline with your daughter and assign tasks, what can you do on her behalf? Perhaps you can manage the invitations, RSVP’s and seeing to all guest needs like transport and accommodation? Then every month just catch up with who she has booked, talk about the design. Be there to help take over any tasks that are worrying her.

Remember, times have changed, gone are the days of holding the reception in a local hotel and being happy with Bucks Fizz, roast dinner, disco and finger buffet in evening! Mention this to your daughter and she might display a look of horror on her face. Today its all about choosing the right venue that matches the couples expectations, selecting the right suppliers to create their dream wedding and of course coming up with the theme.

Jenny & Toni

The article was originally written for An Essex Wedding in 2007 and subsequently published in their magazine.